Nollywood producer, Charles Novia, who is notorious for his feisty utterances, has this time around taken a swipe at Nigerian radio and TV On-air-personalities.

Novia, whose autobiography is still causing ripples, declared that most of them are “fake-accented elephants”, but reserved praises for a few, who he said are representing the country well.

 

Excerpts:

 

Listening to some Nigerian radio stations can either leave one permanently befuddled or just plain angry all the time. The latter is what happens to me mostly, so I stopped listening to most radio stations for some time. The television stations are not any better. The cause of one’s linear anguish is not hard to find. Confusing accents of the presenters!

Yes, one cannot really tell if the presenters on radio and television [in Nigeria these days] are from Miami, Manchester or Mushin or if they are just a bunch of clueless upstarts mouthing words which seem to make them happy but leaves the listener with a terrible ‘earache’.

Tracing the history of radio and television presentation in Nigeria, who can ever forget the glorious days and diction of Soni Irabor, Jim Lawson Madueke, Bimbo Oloyede, Tony Abolo, Donald Everedjo, Sienne All-Well Brown, Ruth Benemesia Opia, Lola Alakija, John Momoh, Silver Oforgu and so many other articulate and fantastic presenters who shaped the entertainment industry with their style and panache of presentation?

What these names have in common is a clear and distinct presentation style with a pleasant-sounding smattering of perfect Queens English and intonations, mixed with the distinct mother-tongue of the personalities ( if you will) . These guys made millions of people shape up their articulation. We wanted to talk like them, to present like them, in the very clear and African-tinged intonations they had. We loved them and still do.

Being a former colony of Britain, it was only natural that our Spoken English as citizens of Nigeria, had to be a bit uppity and middle class even when many of us were of a lower rung in the society ladder. But that helped many people aspire to change their destinies in their chosen fields.

Sadly, in the mid-nineties, the sweeping American culture crept into our mainstream radio and things changed, albeit horribly. Before we knew it, the ‘Yo, Yo, Yo!’ presenters hit the airwaves. Sounding very American ( and most times Ghetto Americanese too) became the fad. So, the beautiful accents we have as Africans just disappeared with the ‘dash monkey banana’ borrowed accents.

Almost every Presenter came on air sounding like poor imitations of Hollywood Black Gangsters or rap artistes. These days, you just have to strain your ears to hear anything they say on air. Words like ‘alright’ has given way to ‘aight!’ and so many examples. It’s not so much the fake accents that pisses me off but the lack of a true identity by these presenters! Some are confused and don’t even know if the accent they speak with are American or British or just a horrible cacophony of both. All these ‘gonna, wanna, burra, berra’ Presenters! Una nor go kill person.

I have visited South Africa a few times and one of the things I like about their Presenters on radio and television is the NATURALNESS. The Black South African Presenters don’t attempt to hide their MOTHER-TONGUE accents with the English Language. In fact, it makes them so distinct and wonderful on air. I like Supersports Presenters on DSTV from SA like Thomas Mlambo and even the Ivorian Football Analyst ( can’t remember his name now). You feel so at ease with them.

You hear them. (I must also commend Charles Anazodo and Praise and the female presenter on Supersports Nigeria. They are superb in their presentation). And that is not to say that we don’t have presenters in Nigeria at present who are superb. We do have but they seem to be in a minority compared with the horde of fake-accented elephants who have assailed the Nigerian airwaves. Some of them have so perfected the art of ‘forming’ so well that they can’t even pronounce Nigerian names at all on air!’Okoro Feeling Funky’ jockeys! As Basket Mouth the comedian would say ,’Their Father!’

 



Well, like we would say, these kind of things only happen in Nigeria.

We really can’t figure out the concept behind this wedding reception, but our rough guess is that the couple love the idea of Burj Arab in Dubai, and were keen on recreating something close to it here.

However, they scaled down theirs to a swimming pool, not the middle of an ocean.

Many have seen how dilapidated the police quarters are, possibly have heard how horrible the Nigerian Police cells can be. The reality is right from the Academy, the Nigerian Police officer has known no better way to live.

A Channels TV documentary on the life of students living in the Nigerian Police College Ikeja, Lagos has revealed the deplorable conditions they face. Its an irony that these students will later graduate to become policemen and women.

Channels TV had the opportunity to film a meal-time at the training college at Ikeja, Lagos, the crew recounted how they watched as the cadets struggled to get their bellies filled with substances not fit enough to call food. About 50 trainees were seen sharing one head of fish.

The documentary shows the sad state of the dormitories, the toilets and more. Students were seen urinating at the back of the building where the drainage system has broken down completely. The toilets and bathrooms are in such terrible conditions, one wonders how students manage to use them.

The college’s male dormitory 10, is one of those built by Nigerian colonial masters in 1940. Today, its windows and doors are damaged with no plans for any repairs. There is no electricity and the occupants point out blood stains from bed bug bites.

Also, the female hostels are in no way better. Meanwhile, the recruits will spend 13 months of their lives in there. An Olympic-size swimming pool is one of the facilities the college can once boost off, but have is now a breeding ground for toads.

Also, the college is known in wining medals for shooting all over West Africa but there is no shooting range anymore.

According to Jonah Mavah, the Deputy Commandant of the College, there has been no major development since establishment except for some few renovations.

The College itself was built to accommodate only 700 students but today, it contains 2,554. As for the library, the Staff says they cannot remember the last time books were supplied to the library which is full of museum pieces and antiquities called books bought in the 1970s.

There are 7 police colleges in Nigeria and a total of 18,500 constables graduated as at December 2012.

In 2013, a sum of N311 billion Naira has been budgeted for the Nigerian Police. It is hoped this money would be used judiciously and a significant part of it be allocated to improving infrastructure in the Police College and other facilities of the Nigerian Police.